I don't think you should cry, cherie. You kissed a boy. So what? Would God - a really truly loving God like the one we knew as children - really begrudge you that?
But I promised Him that I wouldn't do any of that. That I'd focus my life on Him. And instead I meet a boy and three weeks later I'm considering throwing that all to the side just because of his laugh.
I just... feel like I betrayed God by becoming interested in Tony. And like I was unfair to Tony, like I am unfair to Tony, by letting him know of my interest before I've decided what to do about it. Although I guess it's obviously not completely my decision where we go from here.
Because I'm weak. And because I broke my promise. I was vain and set myself up as holier than I really am and at the first sign of temptation, I came crashing down.
...Yeah, I think that's pretty heretical. Especially since dreams are just our unconscious minds trying to make sense of the random neuron firing going on. My dreams are usually retellings of Disney movies.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-05-29 07:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:38 am (UTC)Ouais, talk to him. But not until he's healed up. He feels bad enough already.
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Date: 2010-05-29 07:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:43 am (UTC)I can't not avoid him and not talk about it, though... It'll seem like I'm avoiding the topic.
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Date: 2010-05-29 07:45 am (UTC)You're not bad, you know.
Well. Whatever you think is best then, cherie. Wait til he's released at least, then take care of it.
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Date: 2010-05-29 07:47 am (UTC)Maybe I will just sleep on it and... well, it won't be fixed, but I can at least be a little more rational.
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Date: 2010-05-29 07:48 am (UTC)Rational can help.
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Date: 2010-05-29 07:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:55 am (UTC)Tony's not dumb. He knows nothing is easy, and feelings are frankly new to him too.
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Date: 2010-05-29 07:57 am (UTC)That's true. You're right.
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Date: 2010-05-29 07:58 am (UTC)I frequently am!
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Date: 2010-05-29 08:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:09 am (UTC)Sleep on it. Listen to dreams. Like... okay, this is pure blasphemy probably, but I know a woman who swears you get messages that way.
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Date: 2010-05-29 08:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:17 am (UTC)She's spooky, this woman.