Novitiates aren't supposed to date. And this is worse than that because it's just - it's kissing a boy I'm not even involved with. And we really don't have much in common and clearly it isn't going to end in, like, marriage so why should I give up my calling to a religious life just because I find myself suddenly completely infatuated with a boy? It's not like I haven't had crushes before, after all, but I decided that God was more important and now I just feel ...lost.
Look. I don't agree with the Church much. The stuff that I love about it (and yes, FINE, there's still stuff I love about it) is so often buried in corruption and hate, and it hurts.
But I respect your faith. And as much as I joke about me making you fall from grace, I don't actually want to ruin you. I want you to be happy and strong and amazing, because... I dunno. Just because. Because you're ginger.
And I frankly think that God is NOT tempting you. I think if anything He is showing you choices and opportunities.
I don't think you should cry, cherie. You kissed a boy. So what? Would God - a really truly loving God like the one we knew as children - really begrudge you that?
But I promised Him that I wouldn't do any of that. That I'd focus my life on Him. And instead I meet a boy and three weeks later I'm considering throwing that all to the side just because of his laugh.
I just... feel like I betrayed God by becoming interested in Tony. And like I was unfair to Tony, like I am unfair to Tony, by letting him know of my interest before I've decided what to do about it. Although I guess it's obviously not completely my decision where we go from here.
Because I'm weak. And because I broke my promise. I was vain and set myself up as holier than I really am and at the first sign of temptation, I came crashing down.
...Yeah, I think that's pretty heretical. Especially since dreams are just our unconscious minds trying to make sense of the random neuron firing going on. My dreams are usually retellings of Disney movies.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 06:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 06:46 am (UTC)I've already been to Confession and I don't feel any better.
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Date: 2010-05-29 06:52 am (UTC)Maybe you should live a little before you lock it up. The nice thing about being Catholic is that you can repent anything.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 06:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 06:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 06:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:00 am (UTC)Why is the Church the authority on God?
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:03 am (UTC)Because Christ started the Church by anointing Peter the first Pope.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:06 am (UTC)Yeah but like, how do we know that maybe Peter had a different view on dating? Maybe they never write it down properly.
Hell, what would all the women of the Church who we never heard about say about the issue? I bet they'd wanna get nailed too.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:17 am (UTC)But I respect your faith. And as much as I joke about me making you fall from grace, I don't actually want to ruin you. I want you to be happy and strong and amazing, because... I dunno. Just because. Because you're ginger.
And I frankly think that God is NOT tempting you. I think if anything He is showing you choices and opportunities.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:21 am (UTC)I don't know what choice God wants me to make, no matter how hard I pray. I hate this.
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Date: 2010-05-29 07:24 am (UTC)Maybe you're praying too loud and you need to shut up and listen.
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Date: 2010-05-29 07:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:38 am (UTC)Ouais, talk to him. But not until he's healed up. He feels bad enough already.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:43 am (UTC)I can't not avoid him and not talk about it, though... It'll seem like I'm avoiding the topic.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:45 am (UTC)You're not bad, you know.
Well. Whatever you think is best then, cherie. Wait til he's released at least, then take care of it.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:47 am (UTC)Maybe I will just sleep on it and... well, it won't be fixed, but I can at least be a little more rational.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:48 am (UTC)Rational can help.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:55 am (UTC)Tony's not dumb. He knows nothing is easy, and feelings are frankly new to him too.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:57 am (UTC)That's true. You're right.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 07:58 am (UTC)I frequently am!
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:09 am (UTC)Sleep on it. Listen to dreams. Like... okay, this is pure blasphemy probably, but I know a woman who swears you get messages that way.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-29 08:17 am (UTC)She's spooky, this woman.